You're in Control of Your Things (Balance 1)

WARNING: I will use the word "Things" about a gillion times. You've been warned.

I often compare all of the different roles in my life to hats. Technically you can wear maybe a few at a time, but it gets hard to balance them all and sometimes it just feels or looks silly. And it is definitely not effective. There is my mom hat, my business hat, my artist hat, my wife hat, my student hat, my friend hat, etc. You get it. How can we, especially as mothers, possibly balance them all? I am still trying to figure all of this out while balancing all the things- my family life, business, and school, so if you have any other tips I would love to hear them!

After starting this new semester-the first one after having my second baby, I entered the most stressful and anxious period of my entire life. I had never before felt so overwhelmed. I felt like there was a constant flow of things--mostly tasks and to-do's--running through my mind and I couldn't focus on any one thing at a time. Therefore, I lost functionality. I couldn't do anything effectively because I felt like every single tiny little nothing was screaming in my ears.

And because of the way I was feeling, chaos and disorder both physical and emotional reigned in our home. I wanted so badly to have a peaceful and kind home but I felt like I was ruining it!

 I discovered something called a "braindump" that really helped me out. Basically, you write out everything little thing that pops into your head, and I mean everything--No matter what it is. Write down the thing, and write down how that thing makes you feel. It helps to clear your brain, to see everything laid out visually, and it also helps you see how silly some things are, how important and valid other things are.

I am a little embarrassed to do this but I feel like this blog space is a place of vulnerability and reality so here is my first brain dump just to give you an example. I did this one about the second week of January 2019. You will notice that some of these things are feelings, some are to-do's, some are good things, and some are me negative self talking. So when you are doing yours, really write down everything that comes to mind. Good and bad.

• do hw for class
• send pic to kathy
• make the pdf
• go to the temple
• photograph house
• go to class
• accept entrepreneurship as a career
• pray more
• Ruth slept through the night last night
• lose the stupid last 4 pounds
• you have no self-control when it comes to eating
• you cannot handle all of the things going on in your life and still have time for your kids
• I have too much negative self-talk
• I constantly have the feeling that I want to swear even though I know that I dont ACTUALLY want to swear-I feel like it is always on the tip of my tongue when I get frustrated. Then I feel guilty for even thinking it
• Hyrum cuddled with me this morning
• I feel guilty when I dont implement others' ideas.
• Ruths immunizations
• medicaid medicaid medicaid
• I am angry every time I have to change Hyrum's poopy bum b/c Im angry that he is not potty trained yet and It is all my own fault anyways b/c I'm scared to potty train him b/c I am scared of how hard it might be.
• I want to be liked as a business but I am scared of growing "too large"
• you're going bald
• mom guilt
• the half marathon is daunting
• the house is so cluttered
• I am angry at winter b/c it is cold and makes me feel limited and boring with my kids in the house all day
• I have no time to do art for myself or develop my talent outside of orders
• medicaid medicaid medicaid
• I think I have a cavity
• Im irritated b/c it seems like my csection muscle area is more sore now than after I actually had the csection and that makes exercise uncomfortable.
• Cut drews hair
• pick up prescription

Random right? Here is what I learned from this experience:

1. I am in control and so are you. Business/schedule/classes don't control us. Yes, these things are important, and can even be urgent, but they still don't control us. We get to choose how we feel about all of the things in our lives. At the beginning of the year I felt like I was being pulled in every direction. My kids needed me, my husband needed me, I needed me, my homework needed me, my customers needed me, etc. Now I feel like I am controlling my things, and not the other way around.

2. It is okay to let things go, and to say no. If you realize you cannot do everything on your list, move it to tomorrow-to next week- or remove it altogether if possible. Don't take on too many projects, even good things, if you feel like it might take a toll on your mental and emotional health or create unnecessary stress in your home. 

3. Ask for help. If there are things that you really do need to do and you don't see how they will ever get done, please ask for help! I have turned to my husband now more than ever for this kind of help and he has been so amazing. Some HW cannot go undone, and orders have to be filled. He has been giving mew a few hours a week of concentrated time that I can just be focused in the office away from the kids and be super focused and effective- instead of trying to multitask all of time--which is NOT effective. Having concrete times for work and homework have made my time with my kids and husband so much more relaxed, peaceful, fun, and over all, of a higher quality.  

4. Simplify. Prioritize. Be You. DO do the things that make you happy. DON'T do things that don't make you happy or that mean putting on a good face. YOU DO YOU, GIRL! 

I really feel like I can go on and on on the balance topic so maybe I will hit it again later with some new finds and tips. But for now, I feel empowered, like I can handle the things that I need to handle in my life right now. It is a good thing to know that you CAN handle it, but that you don't HAVE to.