s.o.l.e.m.n. u.n.d.e.r.s.t.a.n.d.i.n.g.

Since blogging last, I have learned a little bit more about our Savior's love and the plan that our Heavenly Father has created with love for us.  

I'm not one to publicly publish all my tragedies for the world to see in hopes to get some pity or anything like that. I only tell this story and share my deep feelings in hopes of helping any other souls who are struggling and suffering now, have in the past, or will in the future.  After some time to think and try to cope, I feel that my next step in this coping process is to help others that may be going through the same kids of issues or feelings. Our trials are opportunities to be more compassionate and understanding.

I believe that there is learning in sorrow. There is growth in pain. There is help in the shadows of loss. 

On October 11, 2015, almost three months ago now, my husband and I lost our little baby at about 7 weeks.  Miscarriage was not part of my plan! In these last two months I have pretty much experienced just about every emotion that I could have regarding a miscarriage.

Sorrow, Anger, self blame, optimism trying to fish out anything good out of the situation, fear of a second, or third or fourth miscarriage or never being able to have kids, confusion, feelings of unworthiness to be a mom, irritation at couples who are getting pregnant accidentally all over the world, feelings of peace, comfort, love by my family. You name it. I felt it, and am still feeling some of it. The good things mostly now though.  

When I am going through hard things there is a part of me who wants the whole world to know about it so that everyone can comfort me. But then the other half knows that that isn't the answer. True comfort doesn't come in everyone I know pitying me.  I have found that the truest comfort comes from one who really KNOWS. Jesus Christ. and it only comes if we allow it to and we accept it.

Jesus Christ doesn't just know the events that go on in our lives. He didn't just know that we had a miscarriage. He knew WITH me what it was like to lay there in the ER and know that we were  losing the baby. He knew what that sorrow, anger, blame, and irritation felt like. Christ doesn't know us in mass, he knows us individually.  

His comfort is given in solemn understanding; peacefully, and unpublished on the internet. His comfort is the only comfort that really reaches the soul and heals the heart and mind.  No amount of people who like or comment on a status will bring you the comfort we all seek.

He understands me. He understands you. Let that understanding lift you from the depths of your tragedies.

And then let your experience make you more compassionate and understanding towards others.

Let Christ heal you :)